Monday - October 13th, Weekend Update

It’s hard to tell people when you don’t feel well.

Maybe it’s because you want to feel well. And by admitting you don’t feel well, it only makes it worse?

And so Erin is feeling “good, not great” most of the time. This weekend was probably the worst of it — body aches, headache. We are thinking it’s from the Neulasta injection.

“On-body injector (Onpro): This small, battery-powered device is attached to the patient's skin after a chemotherapy session. It automatically delivers the Neulasta dose about 27 hours later, allowing for at-home administration.”

Covenant has off-duty paramedics who will come out and give fluids if needed. So we had them stop on Sunday morning.

A neighborhood kid asked, “Why was Covenant Health at your house?”

Because we like free IV fluids.

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A few weeks ago, we met with a holistic nurse practitioner based in Boise, Idaho.

She’s amazing. And expensive.

We scheduled a ninety-minute call with her. She gave a lot of practical tips and some “crunchy” ideas. Shoutout to all the crunchy folks out there.

One idea: eat more duck eggs. We now have a duck egg dealer.

Another idea: go kill an elk and eat only organic, wild elk meat. This is still in the works.

One thing she said that stood out to both of us went something like this:

“Do you struggle with guilt and shame or the feeling of not being good enough?”

You can guess our answer. Don’t we all struggle with this?

And then she said:

“I’ve never seen someone with breast cancer without a heavy weight of guilt and shame.”

Now, I get it. This is some kookie stuff.

Can guilt and shame cause cancer? Probably not.

However, her point was valid. Our internal thoughts speak to our cells and either heal them or make them sick. And maybe that has some truth to it.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

— Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

Philippians 4:8–9 — emphasizes thinking on what is true, honorable, and pure, linking right thought to peace and well-being.

Well-being.

That’s what we are after. All of us. Not just being well physically but emotionally and spiritually. Thriving and living in the fullness of life. Operating in the overflow from our apprenticeship with Jesus. Being a giver, not a taker. Being an optimist, not a pessimist. Being good enough. And confident that we are good enough.

Because we aren’t good enough. Never will be. Never can be or could be. And so trying to be is counterproductive, making us sick, anxious, tired.

Because you can’t buy what’s free. You can’t earn what’s given.

I heard the other day that pride and insecurity are two sides of the same coin.

One: I am very good. Pride.

The other: I am very bad. Insecurity.

Both are about “I” or “me.” Both self-centered and controlling. Both are equally destructive.

And so we choose to be enough.

We choose to receive.

Here are a few mantras we are speaking to ourselves in this season:

• I am worthy of help and humble enough to ask for and receive it.
• I cannot please people and I will not try.
• I cannot earn His love when it is freely given.
• I am perfectly safe in my body and I bring my body and mind into complete alignment and wholeness with the Father.